I felt like a caged animal, trapped in my own life.
I knew even before I settled into the city and the job and the relationship that brought me to Boston that it wasn’t right. None of it was right.
I was 26 and didn’t know what I didn’t know about myself and the world. So, I pretended and traded in my instinct for a vision that wasn’t even mine but one I thought I should want.
And rather than trust myself, believe in myself, I fought AGAINST myself and I fucking lost. I lost so much: my self-respect, my sanity, my mental health, my joy and my purpose.
It was only when grief and pain exploded my life when I lost my dad suddenly in 2015, and blew up this trapped little box I was living in, leaving everything I knew to be true in a metaphorical yard sale in front of me.
I could no longer pretend that I was ok. I couldn’t grieve and live and pretend at the same time. I couldn’t abandon myself anymore because myself was all I had. There was no husband, no partner, no family, no support, just me. And my 700 sq ft apartment of sorrow and pain.
So I fucking felt what I needed to feel. I cried. I sobbed. I screamed. And I started to make sense of what was in the yard sale, what needed to be put away, abandoned and what I was going to take with me in this new version of my life. .
Through this process and healing, I’ve built a relationship with myself that is UNFALTERING AND UNWAVERING. It was through feeling and moving through pain that I became stronger.
Surviving and thriving is my gift. And helping others move out of their suffering is the purpose that came from this wreckage.
Pain can be the most beautiful gift. And with the right guidance, we can navigate through it together...I got you.
Come through and join me. Move with me and out @sweatremix community. See how you can use what you’re going through and find something epic.
Ang & the Fam