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8 Tips to Trust Your Instincts and Breaking Free from the 'Nice' Trap"

Emma's story is all too familiar, one that can resonate deeply with fellow millennials who were told to be nice kids.

Emma was a bright-eyed, curly-haired child, well-known for her polite manners and obedient demeanor. From a young age, she learned the unwritten rules of being a "good girl" in her tight-knit community, family and beyond.

Emma's parents, kind and well-intentioned, often praised her for her good behavior. They encouraged her to be polite, respectful, and always considerate of others' feelings. While these lessons were undoubtedly valuable, Emma soon found herself navigating a world where the label of a "good girl" came with its own set of expectations.

As she grew older, Emma became acutely aware of the invisible boundaries that surrounded her. The pressure to conform to societal expectations weighed on her shoulders like an invisible cloak. Emma's friends admired her for being the responsible one, the girl who always followed the rules, but deep down, she felt a yearning for something more.

Emma's journey to break free from the constraints of being the "good girl" began with a simple realization – there was more to life than adhering to the expectations of other and she no longer wanted to be NICE at the expense of herself.


The pursuit of being nice can inadvertently lead to toxicity when it becomes a superficial façade, detached from genuine intentions and authentic emotions. Niceness, when driven by the desire for external validation and social approval, may compel individuals to suppress their true feelings or opinions, ultimately fostering a culture of insincerity. The toxic nature of niceness lies in its transactional quality, where individuals may expect reciprocity for their pleasing behavior. This approach can create a breeding ground for resentment and frustration when the anticipated validation is not received.

Moreover, niceness often prioritizes conformity to societal expectations over authenticity, promoting a culture where individuals may feel compelled to prioritize the appearance of harmony at the expense of their true selves.

On the other hand, kindness, rooted in genuine care and empathy, offers a healthier and more authentic alternative.

Kindness fosters a sense of connection and understanding, acknowledging the complexities of human emotions. Unlike niceness, kindness is not transactional; it emanates from an internal motivation to contribute positively to others' well-being without expecting something in return. Embracing kindness allows individuals to express their authentic selves while considering the impact of their actions on others. It promotes an altruistic approach that transcends social norms, creating a more positive and compassionate environment where individuals can thrive authentically without the toxicity associated with mere niceness.


In a world that often values niceness over authenticity, the journey of trusting your instincts and breaking free from the "nice" trap is not just a rebellion; it's a courageous act of self-discovery and fulfillment. Breaking free from the 'nice' trap involves aligning your decisions and actions with your true desires, even if they deviate from societal expectations.

This guide serves as a roadmap, lighting the way for those seeking authenticity in a society that may sometimes discourage it. As you embrace your instincts, set boundaries, and prioritize your authentic self, you'll find that the richness of a truly fulfilling life lies in the genuine choices you make. This journey is an invitation to rediscover the unique and authentic essence within you, guiding you toward a life that aligns with your deepest desires and aspirations.

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness:

Being able to pull yourself out of the center and zoom out to look at life with perspective is key. Remember, it isn't happening TO YOU. It is just happening. You get to decide how to move forward.

Reflect on your values, passions, and aspirations. Understand the instincts that guide you in various situations. This introspective process allows you to unearth the authentic self that might have been overshadowed by societal expectations. By recognizing your core beliefs and desires, you pave the way for decisions that resonate with your true nature.

2. Recognize the Difference Between "Nice" and Authentic Kindness:

Differentiating between being "nice" and authentically kind is pivotal. "Nice" behavior often involves conformity to external expectations, even if it contradicts your true feelings. On the other hand, authentic kindness arises from genuine intentions and a desire to contribute positively. Embrace the latter, allowing your actions to align with your true values rather than societal norms. This shift enables you to embody kindness in a way that feels authentic and meaningful.

3. Set Clear Boundaries:

Trusting your instincts requires the establishment of clear boundaries. Identify your comfort levels and communicate these limits assertively. This is not about being unkind; instead, it's a practice of prioritizing your well-being and expressing your needs authentically. Boundaries act as a safeguard, empowering you to navigate relationships and situations with authenticity and self-respect.

4. Embrace Assertiveness:

Move beyond passive niceness and embrace assertiveness. Assertiveness involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs confidently, without apology. It's a powerful tool for asserting your authentic self while maintaining respect for others. This shift from passive niceness to assertiveness allows your genuine voice to be heard, fostering meaningful connections based on authenticity and mutual understanding.

5. Learn from Your Intuition:

Your instincts serve as valuable guides in decision-making. Pay close attention to the subtle cues and feelings that arise in different situations. Trust your gut feelings and learn from your intuition. Over time, this practice enhances your ability to make decisions aligned with your authentic self, allowing you to navigate life with a heightened sense of self-trust.

6. Practice Self-Compassion:

Breaking free from the "nice" trap involves cultivating self-compassion. Understand that prioritizing your needs and trusting your instincts doesn't equate to selfishness. Embrace the notion that self-compassion is an essential aspect of a fulfilling and authentic life. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, recognizing that your well-being is a priority in your journey toward authenticity.

7. Surround Yourself with Authentic Relationships:

Cultivate relationships that value and appreciate your authenticity. Surround yourself with people who encourage your genuine self and support your growth. Authentic connections provide a nurturing environment where trusting your instincts is not only accepted but celebrated. These relationships contribute to a supportive network that encourages you to stay true to yourself.

8. Embrace Imperfection:

Perfectionism often fuels the desire to be "nice" at all costs. Embrace imperfection as an integral part of being authentically human. Allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes, learn, and grow. This shift in perspective fosters self-acceptance and encourages a more authentic expression of yourself. Embracing imperfection liberates you from the unrealistic standards of niceness, allowing you to live a more genuine and fulfilling life.


Choosing to break free from the 'nice' trap is a transformative journey towards authenticity. As you courageously navigate these 8 steps, you open the door to a life rich with genuine experiences and profound self-discovery, alignment and deep joy. In embracing your authentic self, you break through the constraints of societal expectations, allowing your decisions to be guided by the wisdom of your true instincts. The result is a life that resonates with a deep sense of fulfillment and liberation, where each action reflects the authenticity of your being.

START NOW: embrace your authentic self and navigate the journey towards a more fulfilling life. Consider booking a Coaching Breakthrough Session. Our experienced coaches are here to guide you through the process of breaking free from societal constraints, trusting your instincts, and creating a life that aligns with your true desires. Take the next step towards authenticity, fulfillment, and liberation. Your breakthrough awaits – book your coaching session today!

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