Tired of non reciprocal friendships? Are you sick of being the one who constantly makes plans, does the inviting, always calls? It's exhausting, draining and so unfulfilling. Just because you are a friend or family, doesn't mean there aren't rules or boundaries!
Imagine setting boundaries for friends in the same way we do with dudes we start dating? If a man doesn't call you back in five days, he's out. But, why do we allow that with our friendships? If you missed the podcast episode I did on this, check out ways you can raise the bar on your own friendships.
Let's keep the bar high across the board and stop settling for dusty treatment...from everybody.
We need to talk about the elephant in the room: non-reciprocal friendships. You know the ones. The relationships where you’re always the one putting in the effort, doing all the work, and getting next to nothing in return. It’s exhausting, draining, and ultimately unfulfilling. But why do we keep allowing it?
You’ve spent years being the one to plan brunch, send “just checking in” texts, and remember their work anniversary while they can’t even manage to respond to a text within five days. We set boundaries with romantic partners—so why not with our friends? Now, imagine if we held our friends to the same standards we do when dating. If a man didn’t text you back in five days, he’s done, right? So why do we let our friends slide?
Friendship deserves standards, too!
The common excuse is, "But they’re my friend. I can’t just cut them off." Really? Would you keep a partner who repeatedly disrespected your time, energy, and emotional investment? Exactly. Friendship isn’t a free pass to be a ghost one week and a BFF when it's convenient. Just because someone’s a friend or family member doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be boundaries and expectations. Reciprocity isn’t optional; it’s essential.
Let's Break the Myth:
“But they’ve been in my life for years…”
Longevity doesn’t equal loyalty or quality. Just because someone has been in your life for a long time doesn’t mean they deserve to stay if the friendship has become toxic, draining, or one-sided. History alone isn’t enough to justify tolerating neglect or being the “default friend” who only gets called when their plans fall through.
We’ve all been there—exhausted from being the one who always makes the plans, sends the texts, and does the inviting. You’re the friend who remembers birthdays, checks in after a tough week, and still gets left on “Read” for days. If that sounds familiar, it’s time to face the truth: you’re stuck in a one-sided friendship, and it’s draining as hell.
But here’s the thing: just because someone’s a friend or even family doesn’t mean they get a free pass to treat you like an afterthought.
Here’s Why You Should Set Boundaries:
Boundaries are a guidebook for how people should treat you. If you don’t set them, people will continue to take advantage. They are not to be a bitch or harmful, but rather a way to maintain your own self worth and a way to show YOU that you love honor and respect yourself. Because baby, if you don't love yourself....
Constantly initiating, chasing, and maintaining one-sided relationships is emotionally taxing. You’re investing time and effort that could be better spent on people who actually value your friendship. Imagine how much more energy you can reclaim when you pour into yourself and into those who pour into you.
That being said, you are going to get a hard wake up call about who is in your corner. Once you start enforcing boundaries, you'll quickly realize who values you—and who doesn’t. It sucks, hard. And it's also the most important piece of information you need. Although the realization that you have been bending, twisting, sacrificing to be the sole proprietor of a relationship slaps you across the face like Ike fucking Turner, you gotta know. And now, you can open the door for something soooo much more fulfilling. This clears the way for meaningful connections with people who match your energy. That's the genuine relationship type stuff we are looking for.
Raise the Bar: The Friendship Edition
You wouldn’t settle for the bare minimum in dating, so don’t do it in your friendships. Here’s how to start leveling up:
Communicate clearly: Start by having an open conversation about your needs and boundaries. Let your friends know what you expect from the relationship in terms of time, effort, and emotional support. True friends will understand and make the effort to meet you halfway, while others may reveal their limitations.
Stop making excuses for them: If they consistently don’t show up, don’t text back, or fail to reciprocate, it’s time to assess the situation. You wouldn’t tolerate a partner who couldn’t be bothered to invest in the relationship, so why do it with friends? Ask yourself what you’re really getting out of this connection and if it’s worth your energy.
Set your non-negotiables: Just like you have deal-breakers in dating, friendships deserve the same standards. Decide what behaviors are unacceptable, whether it’s dishonesty, flakiness, or emotional unavailability. It’s okay to walk away from friendships that don’t align with your values or expectations—prioritizing your well-being is not selfish, it’s necessary.
Protect your peace: Ultimately, friendship should enhance your life, not drain it. If you constantly feel disappointed, unappreciated, or undervalued, it’s a sign the relationship is more of a burden than a blessing. Safeguard your mental and emotional health by letting go of friendships that no longer serve your highest good.
Friendships, just like romantic relationships, require effort, respect, and mutual investment. If you’re always the one doing the work while they get to coast, then it’s time to reevaluate that friendship. You deserve people in your life who meet you halfway—or better yet, go out of their way to show you that they care. The bare minimum shouldn’t be enough for you—not in love, not in family, and certainly not in friendship.
No More Dusty Treatment—From Anybody.
It’s 2024, and we’re done settling for dusty treatment from anyone. Romantic partners, family, friends—everyone in your life should respect your boundaries and appreciate your time. The days of allowing one-sided relationships to drain you are over. Raise the bar, and stop giving out passes to people who don’t deserve them. Because you deserve reciprocal, fulfilling friendships that lift you up, not ones that weigh you down.
We’re constantly told to “be grateful” for any connection, it’s time to prioritize quality over quantity. And that means keeping your standards high across the board. Life’s too short to be everyone’s backup plan, the friend they remember when they’re bored, or the one who never gets invited until you ask. And no, this doesn’t make you high-maintenance, but who gives a flying one if you are,—it makes you someone who values your own worth. Demand reciprocity.
Raise the bar. And most importantly, stop accepting the bare minimum from the people who are supposed to care about you. If they’re not meeting your standards, maybe it’s time to let them know or even—gasp!—let them go. So, let’s stop giving free passes to flaky friends. Your energy is valuable—don’t waste it on anyone who doesn’t recognize that. Enforce boundaries. And most importantly, never settle for less than you deserve, from anyone.
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