Congratulations on Your Relationship! But...where did you go?? I had to chat about this experience on this week's episode of the Empowered Millennials podcast.

This is a reminder to all of those who are choosing to be conjoined to their romantic partners: your community was there to support you before this lover stepped up on he scene and loves you, deeply. Don't forget to nurture them, too. And if you are the community or solo friend who has been dumped for someone's quest for romantic love: IT IS TIME TO BUILD YOUR OWN COMMUNITY, TOO!

Let’s talk about it. You got a partner and vanished. Girls' nights turned into "I'll let you know." The group chat turned into crickets. Now, it is hard to tell where you end and your partner begins! You didn’t just fall in love—you fell off the grid.

And real talk? Your community feels pretty shitty. We adjusted. We mourned. We moved on.

This isn’t about being salty. It’s about calling out the hierarchy of love that tells women that partnership is the crown jewel of existence—and everything else is just a warm-up act and anyone and anything that came before was just a friggin placeholder, unworthy of love, care and support.

Not all of us do. In fact, most of us HERE don't! So, what if the goal wasn't to find love with one person but find love, support and connection with PEOPLE, as in plural.

We’ve been taught to shrink our lives for a +1, like partnership is the ultimate achievement. But what if the real goal isn’t disappearing into love, but expanding into connection with community?

1. Romantic Relationships Are Not a Personality.

Falling in love is beautiful. But too often, women are socialized to let that love consume every aspect of their identity. Suddenly, all your stories begin with “we,” your schedule is dictated by their calendar, and your sense of self becomes indistinguishable from the relationship status on your phone. It's not intimacy—it’s absorption. And it’s celebrated, like losing yourself for someone else is the ultimate feminine achievement.

But here’s the truth: a healthy relationship should amplify who you are—not erase it. Your friends shouldn’t have to schedule an intervention to get face time with you.  You had dreams, friendships, hobbies, and a group chat filled with love and loyalty long before your partner entered the picture. You shouldn't need a partner to be your entire source of connection, entertainment, and validation. You had a whole personality before they showed up—don’t let love flatten you into a one-dimensional plus-one. You’re not a sidekick in someone else’s life story. You’re the damn main character.

So why does love so often mean disappearing from the world that raised you?

Spoiler: If your relationship requires you to abandon who you were before, it’s not love—it’s erasure.

2. Community Is What Catches You When Romance Drops You.

The fantasy is one that can suck you in and have you believing in some wild bullshit that allows for all kinds of mistreatment, not just in your romantic relationship, but with those that came before AND with yourself.

Heartbreak is inevitable. Relationships end. People break up. People change. People ghost.  Life happens. The honeymoon fades and reality sets in—and when that happens, who’s still standing beside you? If you’ve pushed everyone away, there may be no one left to call. And trust, the “Hey stranger…” text hits different when it comes after three years of silence.

So when your relationship hits the rocks, who are you calling?(Oh wait—that friend you ghosted for three years? Yeah, she's thriving without you.) A healthy community is a safety net. It’s the dinner invite when you’re crying. The celebration when you win.The truth teller when you’re dating trash. Y

our community is not a backup plan—it’s the foundation. Why trade a whole support system for a situationship with potential?

3. There Are Many Forms of Love—Why Only Prioritize One?

Hear this: Romantic love is not superior love. It’s just one flavor. And quite frankly, it’s often overhyped and underperforming. There is deep, sacred, life-changing love in friendship. There’s devotion in chosen family. There’s passion in creative collaboration and fierce loyalty in ride-or-die sisterhoods. Yet society gives all the flowers to romantic relationships, like every other connection is just filler before the “real thing.”

But love isn’t a hierarchy—it’s a web, which I talk about on the podcast this week. Different priorities for different people, all holding you up. Romantic love may be sexy and spotlighted, but it’s not more valid than the friend who flew across the country when your parent died. It’s not deeper than the chosen family who helped you rebuild your life from scratch. When we stop measuring love by romance alone, we start to understand just how much richness, support, and intimacy already exists all around us—if we stop ghosting it for a date night.

So yeah, congrats on your relationship. Now let’s talk about not disappearing from your entire damn life because of it. You don’t graduate into partnership—you expand into community.

🎙️ Want more fire where that came from? Listen to the full episode of The Empowered Millennials Podcast: Because love should multiply your life—not shrink it and if you build your community, you get more than ONE opportunity to love.

Check out this Week's Episode:

EPISODE 192:

The Limitations of Partnership & The Abandonment of Community

We’ve been taught to shrink our lives for a +1, like partnership is the ultimate achievement. But what if the real goal isn’t disappearing into love, but expanding into connection with community?