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Meet Kiyoko: Member of The Single & Childfree Network
Being a SINK is amazing! Each month, we feature a member of our community to share what their single and childfree life really looks like, what brought them here, what they’ve discovered, and what belonging in a like-minded community has meant to them.
In their own words, they share their experience of navigating life as a single, childfree woman finding community, and embracing a life that is intentional, independent, and fully their own. The Single and Childfree community * exists: to create a space where single and childfree women don’t have to explain themselves, defend their choices, or shrink their lives to make others comfortable. Plus, being in community with women who have the bandwidth for your friendship is so healing.
If you’ve ever wondered whether anyone else feels the way you do: you’re about to see that you’re not alone. This is where you belong.
Today, we’re spotlighting KIYOKO from California
Tell everyone a bit about you!
I am Kiyoko N. from California, about an hour north of the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco. I am an educator, reader, walker, dancer and writer. I published three books, two children's books and one about the challenges of teaching and have written articles for magazines about the challenges of being single and dating in this day and age. A typical non work day would be me sleeping in, doing some writing, exercising- a run or a dance class online, then making some food, and watching a show. I might read or clean up around the house, or maybe go for another walk. I love seeing live music and hanging out with my friends to explore the beauty of Sonoma County. But, alas I don't have as many SINK friends as I would like around me and often it is a balance even with my single friends to find time to meet when they are not busy.
What was going on in your life when you found the SINK community? And how did you find out about the space?
I saw Angela on FB and IG and her message truly resonated with me. I felt like I needed to fight being single and argue with people to understand why this life I live is great. It was exhausting and to find that there was a community of women who live this same life and get it! Wow!
What made you decide to join and stay?
I went to the free open house and hearing from other women made it seem like this could be a place I might actually meet other people who understand and appreciate the SINK life. All the good parts, and more challenging parts of it. In the group, I put up a quick win about an interaction I had with some colleagues about being single, and the response I got was so positive and amazing.
Has being part of this community shifted anything for you?
Strength is in numbers and man it feels good to be surrounded by so many strong and amazing women. I feel like no I can post and vent here freely, instead of on FB and people here "get it!"
What’s one thing you love about your life because you’re single and childfree—or something you’re proud of that deserves more credit?
When I hear from some of my unhappily married friends, I realize how lucky I am. I know that there is a cultural and generational push for all woman to be married and have kids. I drank that kool-aid for a long time and though there is a part of me that still wants that in my life, I know that if it comes, or if it doesn't I will still have a great life.
I am proud of the life that I have built for myself. I bought my first home, got my master's degree and just got a new job that pays more! I get to drive the type of car that I want, and I can pay my own bills, and still have money to buy groceries and some of the frivolous things in life that I want. I don't have to worry about someone spending my money, or how much diapers cost these days. I use that money to get my nails done instead, or take a trip and stay in fancy hotels by myself.
What is a misconception about single and childfree life you want to debunk or an issue you want to clarify? OR, even something you wan to let people know about the REALITY of SINK life?
As a SINK not everything we do is for someone else. I heard about a woman who got her hair done and the response by her colleagues and friends was, "Oh, who is the guy?" wink wink! I felt so outraged by this- wrote a whole article for a magazine about it. Why can't a woman do something nice just because. If I get my hair done, it doesn't mean I am going out on a date to impress a man!! Not everything I do is because I am trying to catch a man.
The other thing that frustrates me is when you see someone, like your dental assistant, or a family member and of course the first thing they want to know is, " Are you seeing anyone?" Who cares! Honestly is my worth only about whether I am seeing another person in a romantic relationship!! I got used to laughing it off. But, the best response I learned was to respond with a pause and look around and then say, " Wait, you see them too!" As though we all see ghosts!
What’s one thing this community has validated for you that you didn’t realize you needed validated?
I needed to know that wanting to be in a relationship is different than feeling like I have to be in a relationship with another human. I don't have to be in a relationship with anyone I don't want to. A partnership is nice, someone who can respect you for who you are 100% and until then, I am glad that in this group there are other women who get that. It is also nice to feel the positivity that radiates from most everyone's post or response to posts from those that need to vent.
What would you say to someone who feels alone or forgotten because they’re single and childfree?
More and more people around the world are choosing to be single and child free. You are DEFINITELY NOT alone. Learning to chose yourself and be happy is honestly the key to any relationship, but especially the one you have with yourself. Okay, I know that sounds cheesy, but really it is true!
Anything else you want readers to know about you, SINK life and the choice to be single and childfree and The Single and Childfree Network?
This is a great place to feel acceptance and connect with others. I hope to share more of my writing with you all in the future, and connect in person.
Joining a community of single and childfree women is LIFE CHANGING! And know, you aren't alone. Join us inside the network to meet other like-minded women. Plus, we do weekly co-working, monthly workshops, virtual meet ups and connect with SINKs in our cities. Check it out! You belong here!
*note: this group is for single (not partnered or in a relationship) AND (meaning both) childfree (not a parent, not parenting, not an empty nester looking for shit to do now that their kids left the house) women.
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