Single and Childfree Women: Why Community Is Political

There is a tendency to think of community as something neutral and super easy because we can just...show up!

A group of people gets together. They share interests. They make friends. They attend events. They have conversations.

Everyone is welcome. Kiki. And BOOM! Community!

And let me hold your hand when I say this: this is such a white, male centered view of community. I am no historian or sociologist, but I can stand in this with assurance, that the attitude of entitlement to be in spaces, ones that someone feels they are granted access is rooted in believing that you are the default of every single experience.

Women who build community like that aren't using community to support bc it isn't built around struggle or pain or NEEDING one another to survive the system that hates them. They are more about being in the system as proximity to the default for their own benefit and NOT having to struggle. Its like a hand bag accessory, serving them personally rather than being part of a collective, reciprocal serving of one another and the greater cause, and for us, it would be living our lives out loud, proud and with the same equity that water carrying women have always been afforded and to do it together, by our own damn selves.

For single and childfree women, building community is not and has not been that simple.

Because being a woman is political.

And choosing, or simply living, a single and childfree life exists within a society that has very specific ideas about what women's lives are supposed to look like and shunning or harming them when it doesn't.

So creating a space where single and childfree women can build community around their lives is political, too.

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Why Community Matters for Single and Childfree Women

Like I said, community is more than congregating in the same space. It is not enough to put 500 women in a Facebook group, Slack channel, event venue, or online community and call it connection.

For people to actually feel safe and supported, they need to be seen, heard, recognized, understood, and supported.

That requires intention.

It requires people who understand the particular experiences that come with being single and childfree in a culture that still heavily centers marriage, motherhood, family structures, and partnership.

And it requires a community that recognizes that not everyone's experience of womanhood is the same.

A single, childfree woman may be navigating assumptions about her choices, pressure to partner, questions about who will care for her as she ages, exclusion from traditional social structures, or the expectation that she should simply fit herself into communities designed around someone else's life.

That doesn't mean single and childfree women are all having the same experience.

It means there is value in having a space where those experiences don't have to be explained before they can be understood.

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Single and Childfree Women Deserve More Than an Addendum to Someone Else's Life

This is where some of the traditional "community" spaces can feel a little... icky.

Think about the boss-babe spaces filled with wives and "mumma bears" where community and support can sometimes exist as an addendum to their lives through their partners, families, businesses, or existing social structures. Those networking events just feel like some priviledged woman using her free time and her husbands money to create a side project, capitilzing off of the vulnerabilities of women, never really wanting to dive into the vulnerability needed and support her. And definitely not seeing the experiences of other intersections of women beyond her own, hence the white washed version of success and all those networking events as it relates to...men. Because, well, she has her husband, his money and societal approval. Good for her and God Bless. Love that journey for her.

If I am being honest, I never found any value in those spaces because they were not deep or safe enough for me, and maybe that resonates with you, too.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being married.

There is nothing wrong with being a mother.

But those experiences can create very different relationships to community.

For many women, the traditional structures of partnership and family provide built-in networks of support. They also create a safety net of societal approval. Instead, women who don't have those structures, or who have intentionally chosen not to build their lives around them, creating community can mean something entirely different and require a space for them to actually get support.

It can mean intentionally building the support structure that society assumes you already have.

And that matters.

Because we all know that patriarchy does not ultimately exist to protect women.

It may offer individual women certain benefits when they conform to its expectations, but that doesn't mean the system itself is invested in women's liberation.

The leopard is hungry.

And eventually, systems that depend on hierarchy will tell us who belongs, who matters, whose choices are respectable, and whose lives are acceptable. And I will bet the entire farm, that it will not be single and childfree women.

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The Single and Childfree Network Is Political

So yes: The Single and Childfree Network is political.

Not because every woman inside it has identical beliefs.

Not because we expect every member to think exactly the same way.

It is political because we are creating a space around a way of living that challenges many of the assumptions society makes about women.

We are saying that women don't need husbands to be complete.

We are saying that we are redefining the view of family and family values.

We are saying that we are embracing out financial autonomy to live full, independent sovereign lives, ones our grandmothers only dreamed about.

We are saying that motherhood is not a requirement for a meaningful life.

We are saying that having the ability to whatever we want with our reproductive systems or what works for each woman and that it should NEVER vary across a state line, let alone be dictated by a...man.

We are saying that women can build families, friendships, careers, businesses, adventures, financial security, and support systems outside of traditional structures.

We are saying that we are defining what it means to be a woman along a big, long spectrum and intersections of experiences.

We are saying that women who are single and childfree deserve a soft space to land to be seen, heard, safe, supported and championed.

Women like this used to be burned. That is political.

How can it not be?

And although we may not make it to the town square for a public stoning, the sentiments are still here: the stones are thrown with modern day executions (just read my comments section FFS).

So how is it not political when women were only granted access to bank accounts and business loans in my lifetime!??! When our grandmothers were not able to divorce and had to endure abuse for survival!??! When our rights are being taken away across state lines? When women are dying without access to gender affirming healthcare? When women of color die during childbirth at an exponentially high rate because racially biased medical "care" ? When queer and trans women are denied basic human rights, bodily autonomy, and legal recognitions?? When our entire economic structure is designed for corporate profits while the 1% take vacations, which means it makes life impossible to afford and do on one income alone?!! When we red pill podcasts promote violence toward women? When political parties want women like me to just STFU and get in line to benefit men, whiteness and wealth? When Patrick Clancy gets a 60 minutes episode?!?!

When our current president is a pedo!??!?!?!?!

Be so for real. IT IS POLITICAL.

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"So My Political Beliefs Aren't Welcome? I Thought This Was Inclusive."

This is where the conversation about inclusivity pisses me off. We throw the word inclusive around a lot.

But "everyone is welcome" doesn't mean much if the people who are most vulnerable in the room don't actually feel safe enough to participate.

A community isn't safe simply because the door is technically open. It is safe when people know they will be treated with dignity. When they know they won't have to constantly defend their existence. When they don't have to actively work on being emotional safe and seen. When they don't have to perform emotional labor for someone else's comfort. When they can show up as themselves and actually be seen, heard, recognized, and supported.

And here, this is the underlining byline and values set. That is the kind of community we are building.

Because inclusivity does not mean that every belief, behavior, or ideology automatically gets access to every space.

A community can be inclusive while still having boundaries.

The Single and Childfree Network is a space for women, including queer women, BIPOC women, immigrant women, and women with many different backgrounds and experiences, to build genuine connection and community.

That requires safety.

And safety is not possible when bigotry, hate, violence, or the active upholding of systems of oppression are treated as just another "political opinion" that everyone else has to accommodate.

You can disagree about plenty of things.

You can have different perspectives.

You can have different life experiences.

You can challenge one another.

But there is a line between disagreement and creating an environment where other women are expected to tolerate hostility toward their identity, existence, rights, or safety.

Community is inclusive and safe because it doesn't allow bigotry, hate, violence, or the upholding of systems of oppression.

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Maybe this space is for you

The Single and Childfree Network is for women fighting to break down patriarchy and build community around their very political single and childfree lives.

That includes women who are building and thriving in their unconventional lives.

Women who are traveling.

Women building businesses.

Women creating chosen families.

Women figuring out finances and retirement on one income.

Women who want adventure.

Women who are tired of having their lives treated like a waiting room for marriage or motherhood.

Women who want deep friendships and connection.

And women who simply want a place where they don't have to explain why their life is valid.

We don't have to agree on everything to belong together. But we do have to care about creating a community where women are safe. Because community without safety isn't really community.

And connection isn't just about being in the same place. It's about knowing that when you show up, someone sees you.

Someone hears you, understands you, recognizes your experience, is willing to show up for you, and overall, VALUES YOU.

That is what we're building: The Single and Childfree Network.

For the women who understand that community can be both deeply personal and deeply political, we welcome that shared values set. And maybe that's you. And maybe it isn't. And if that's the case, there may be an opportunity to do some real deep work around why it wouldn't be. That's your journey, friend. But for those whose journey is already ten toes down on this version of community, I hope you will consider being with us.

xo,

Angela