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For context: I spent all of my 20s and half of my 30s being MISERABLE. So much of my life way tangled up in toxic relationships, friendships, patterns, jobs and even what I considered my hobbies.
In the intricate dance of life, we often find ourselves entangled in threads of toxicity – be it toxic relationships, habits, or mindsets. In this blog post, I invite you to join me on a deeply personal journey, a journey of liberation and renewal. It's a narrative of the deliberate steps I took to release the toxic elements that weighed me down, hindered my growth, and eclipsed the radiant potential of my existence.
Letting go is seldom an easy feat. It requires courage, self-reflection, and a profound commitment to one's own well-being. As I share the transformative steps I took on this path, my hope is that you may find inspiration, guidance, and the reassurance that letting go of toxicity is not only possible but also a crucial act of self-love.
Here are steps I took to let go of toxic sh*t and live an epic life I loved.
Ended toxic relationships
I no longer was willing to be the sole proprietor of relationships and settling for way less than I gave. From the 8 year relationship with a boyfriend to 20 year friendships...bye. Relationships are always a great teacher and they hold up a mirror to parts of your life that need healing and growing. And sometimes, in order to do that, you have to leave them behind.
Letting go of toxic relationships was like untangling myself from a web that had slowly ensnared me over the years. From the eight-year relationship with a boyfriend to friendships that spanned two decades, I bid them farewell. It was a decision born out of self-respect and a refusal to settle for connections that drained me more than they enriched my life. Relationships, profound as they are, serve as mirrors reflecting the parts of our lives that demand healing and growth. Walking away from them was not an act of callousness but an acknowledgment that, sometimes, to foster personal evolution, you must step away from what no longer aligns with your journey.
Quit careers that didn't work
When I become angry, toxic, sad and depressed to go into a job, it is information that it is time to leave. This happened at my decade+ teaching career and in any other job along the way There are always signs that job isn't working. It isnt the job's job to change, it is yours to accept it or move on And ya know what? It is OK to outgrow careers. We grow and so the things in our life have to evolve with us.
Recognizing the toxicity of my work environment was a transformative realization. Feeling anger, toxicity, sadness, and depression upon entering a job served as a glaring signal that it was time to move on. This revelation dawned during my decade-long teaching career and recurred in subsequent jobs. It became clear that it wasn't the job's responsibility to change—it was mine to accept or move on. Outgrowing careers is a natural part of personal growth, and realizing that evolution might entail leaving certain professional paths was liberating.
Prioritized my self and my boundaries
Quitting the job, losing the friends were all part of choosing myself. I got clear on what my needs were from where I spent my time, to what I ate to who I hung around with. And I set hard boundaries. When we prioritize what WE want, it can cause friction from people who have benefitted from us NOT prioritizing ourself.
Quitting jobs and parting ways with friends were integral steps in choosing myself. I identified and prioritized my needs, from time management to personal relationships. Establishing firm boundaries became crucial in this process. Prioritizing oneself can, at times, create friction with those who benefited from the neglect of personal needs. Yet, it's a vital act of self-love and empowerment.
Focused on MY goals and dreams
What was most important to me? Living a life I loved with freedom while building a community of epic trailblazing badass millennials, like me... So, I left boston after 15 years, moved in with my family and focused everything I have on what I want. All of that requires some sacrifice and risk, but it isn't scary it just feels...right. So, it isn't really a sacrifice at all. It is empowering!
Identifying what truly mattered to me became a guiding principle. Crafting a life I loved, brimming with freedom, and building a community of like-minded individuals took precedence. This realization prompted a move away from Boston, my home for 15 years, to live with family and channel all my energy into what resonated with my true desires. Sacrifices were made, risks were taken, but it wasn't a sacrifice at all—it was an affirmation of empowerment.
Invested in support
Family and old friends? nope! Those are the folks who didn't make the circle ya know?!! Support comes from putting myself in the right rooms with like minded people and building friendships and relationships with people who understand my values set and vision. Investing in coaches, mentors, networking groups and yes honey, therapists are important to keep you focused, validated and championed to reach your goals.
Family and old friends, while cherished, didn't always align with my evolving journey. Support, I discovered, emanated from surrounding myself with like-minded individuals. Investing in coaches, mentors, networking groups, and yes, therapists, became essential. These were the pillars that kept me focused, validated my path, and provided the necessary encouragement to forge ahead toward my goals.
Took Risks
Open a studio? Let’s do it. Close the studio? Yep. Start a podcast! Word. Sell everything I own and move someplace new? On it. One thing that can be so difficult to embrace is change and the uncertainty of not knowing what is next. And when you know what you are no longer willing to settle for, to accept and what you are ready to embrace and go for, you have to do it. You have to step towards it and into the unknown, not of fear but of possibility.
Embracing change and stepping into the unknown was a daunting yet invigorating experience. Opening a studio, closing it, starting a podcast, selling everything I owned and relocating—each decision involved a level of risk and a departure from the familiar. The uncertainty wasn't a source of fear but a canvas of endless possibilities waiting to be painted. Stepping toward change, toward what I refused to settle for and what I eagerly embraced, became a journey into the realm of limitless potential.
My hope is that you find resonance in your own experiences, recognizing that the path to letting go of toxicity is unique for each individual. May this narrative be a source of inspiration and empowerment, reminding you that, just like me, you have the agency to release the burdens that no longer serve you and step into a life filled with authenticity, light, and profound self-love
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