Ahh yes. A new year. And a whole cultural shift of resolutions, change and high vibe energy, it can be a great time to capitalize on it and ride he wave into something you have always wanted. I know: easier said than done.
I can tell you from experience, I had to hit rock ass bottom and burn everything down before I was really ready to make a brave decision to get control of my life and start living one that I wanted, not the one I felt I should. Looking back, the signs were GLARING, like flare guns, so maybe this story will give you some insight to discern your own flags before they turn into a whole 21 gun salute.
Let's take it back to early 2019: Front facing, I was running a successful fitness business, doing these huge workout events, motivating people to find joy. I also looked great, in shape, hair done, wild outfits. So if you looked at my social media, I had it all together.
But behind the scences, I would be wiping tears away as people were walking into the studio to take a Sweat Remix class, and when it was done, I would collapse on the studio floor alone and cry. I would sleep all day and only pull myself out of bed to go teach classes and GIVE to everyone as this motivator and hype woman.
For context, I was in back to back abusive relationships and at the beginning of 2019, It ended and marked another loss after losing my dog, my job, my dad. It was just another piece of the jenga puzzle that all feel down. I was heartbroken over a man whose idea of a date night was having me watch him play video games. I know. I was crying over him and now I spent my days watching my ex on instagram, self loathing in pain, distraught that he didn’t want me, and he take his 24 year old girlfriend to fucking six flags. I know so cringe. Nothing screams crisis like taking your practically teen girlfriend to six flags. AND THAT WAS WHO I WAS CRYING OVER (now, it's funny, but at the time...you couldn't tell me otherwise).
It was years of losses, losing and being alone all coming together in one emotional breakdown. I legit felt like I had NO ONE. And I had NOTHING. I legit had NOTHING. And now, my “best friend” of 20 years told me to get my shit together and hung up on me (check out THIS podcast episode). I barely was making money, digging into savings, I had no dad, no partner, my fur baby and homegirl of 14 years was gone, and a friendship of 20 years just told me to go fuck myself. I just felt so fucking alone. And I was seriously looking up painless ways to take my life, googling this on the internet. I was googling this shit, for real.
I knew I wanted to live and THRIVE, but I just wanted to stop suffering. And putting an end to me was to end the suffering only because I couldn’t see the separation from the two. I truly beleived that I was here to suffer and I in and of myself was my suffering, not someting I had contorl of. And what I realized (this is the shorted and abriged version) is that all of these feeling of lonliness, depression, anger, comparison where all symptoms of a MAJOR issue tht I needed to face.
So,I got help. I went DEEP in therapy, I went DEEP in mediation and somatic work. I hired a coach to help me take action. I knew I needed new skills and tools to be able to manage my life so I would NEVER feel the way I was feeling in that moment, ever again.
I knew I wanted to make major changes not just to what I was doing, but how I was approaching life so I no longer felt confined, trapped and miserable, but free, in conrol and aligned to my life as I wanted to create it.
I was too broken and a mess to give a shit about trying to hold it together, to be someone I wasn't or be what someone expected of me. I had nothing left to hold together. And I was ready to break open, to shake out anything residual that was lingering and conjured up from my dads death and my whole life of being "perfect" that I just didn’t have space to carry, and I just sunk in to the process because there truly was nofarther place to go. I was already at the bottom.
And it was that BRAVE step from the most badass version of myself. All I want to do is hug that version of me so hard. Because she was the bravest most badass version because she made the choice and started to do the work. It was HER who was powerful, to jump without a parachute and build it on the way down with zero tools, seeking them out along the way.
Why this story is important?
Because we can prolong our suffering when we refuse to look at the symptoms as opportunities for growth. The version of you that feels MESSY and out of control is actually the version of you who is truly ready to stop fighting against these patterns, whatever they may be, and is ready to put the ball in motion to change. Althought this version may seem a mess, incapable, she will bring you to this point, pass the baton to the version of you that will inevitably do the work, take the journey and start living a life where she feels free.
Is it time? I think if you have been reading this far and are really resonating with my story, maybe it could be time to consider taking a step toward healing, growing and getting uncomfortable so you can LOVE your life!
So, depending on where you are in your journey, here are some things that may resonate for you to know it is time to reach out, take action, invest in your healing and do the brave thing to change your life.
What you're Doing Isn't Providing Real Solutions:
You have been chatting with your bestie and it isn't fucking working because, god bless her, she is just an echo chamber of your bullshit. Plus maybe, your friends are all on the same level, unable to give you the perspectice you need because they just don't have it.
Maybe you have had the same therapist for years and all you are doing is complaining about the past and getting no real solutions. Wherever you are pouring your heart out about the past, yet find yourself stuck without tangible solutions, it's a sign to seek a new approach.
Building a new team of coaches, therapists, and social circle can give you a new mindset shift. A coaching session could offer a fresh perspective, focusing on actionable steps to empower you and propel you forward.
Comparisons and Resentment:
You look around and wonder why not me? And get a bit jealous and resentful that everyone but you has this dope ass life. Feeling left behind while others seemingly thrive can evoke jealousy and resentment. This emotional struggle may be an indicator that it's time to invest in yourself, to break free from the cycle of comparison and start building the life you truly desire.
You feel worthless: as much as you say why not me? You dont even feel like you are valuable enough to fucking have it. So it is like a self fullfilling prophecy. The pervasive feeling of worthlessness can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, hindering your ability to reach for a better life.
In the vast landscape of social interactions and personal achievements, the tendency to compare oneself to others can be a deeply unsettling experience. When you find yourself looking around and questioning, "why not me?" a poignant emotional struggle often surfaces. This internal dialogue, fueled by the perception that everyone but you seems to be living a "dope ass life," can give rise to feelings of jealousy and resentment.
This emotional turmoil is more than a passing moment of discontent; it's a profound signal from within that there's a misalignment between your current reality and the life you envision for yourself. It's an indication that the path you're on might not be leading towards your true desires.
Jealousy and resentment are powerful emotions that, when left unaddressed, can act as shackles, binding you to a mindset of lack and unworthiness. This is a pivotal moment, one that calls for self-reflection and the courage to break free from the cycle of comparison.
Investing in yourself becomes the antidote to these corrosive emotions. It's about recognizing that everyone's journey is unique, and the outward appearance of a "dope ass life" may not reflect the complete reality of another person's experiences. By turning inward and focusing on your own growth, aspirations, and well-being, you shift the narrative from one of lack to one of empowerment. Choosing to invest in yourself is a declaration that your journey is valuable and worthy of attention. It's an acknowledgment that your aspirations and dreams are valid, and there is a path to create a life that aligns with your true desires. In essence, breaking free from the cycle of comparison is not only an act of self-love but a crucial step toward building the fulfilling life you genuinely deserve.
Overwhelming Sense of Worthlessness:
Experiencing an overwhelming sense of worthlessness is akin to carrying a heavy burden that dims the light of your own potential. In the poignant question, "why not me?" lies a deeper, more profound inquiry into your own self-worth. This emotional struggle goes beyond mere self-doubt; it manifests as a pervasive feeling that you are not even deserving of the aspirations and joys that others seem to effortlessly enjoy.
The sense of unworthiness can evolve into a self-fulfilling prophecy, a cycle that reinforces negative beliefs about oneself. As you tell yourself that you are not valuable enough to have the life you desire, your actions and decisions may inadvertently align with this belief, creating a barrier to reaching for something better.
Breaking free from this cycle is a transformative journey, and seeking support becomes a crucial milestone. It involves acknowledging that worthiness is not a measure of external achievements or the comparison to others, but an intrinsic and inherent aspect of your being. By reaching out for support, you are taking a bold step towards dismantling the walls of self-doubt and rediscovering your inherent value.
Professional guidance and a supportive network can provide the tools and insights necessary to navigate through the layers of worthlessness. It's about recognizing that your worth is not contingent on external validations but is an integral part of who you are. Through this process, you can gradually dismantle the self-fulfilling prophecy, opening up the space for self-love, self-compassion, and a profound rediscovery of the unique value you bring to the world.
Thoughts of Self-Harm:
You feel so worthless and in pain that the only way you can think of to make it stop is to end you. If the pain becomes unbearable, and the idea of ending your life seems like the only escape, it's a critical moment to reach out for immediate help.
In this critical moment, contacting a mental health professional or a helpline becomes a vital action step. These professionals are equipped with the expertise to offer immediate support, a compassionate ear, and resources to help you navigate through the darkness. Similarly, confiding in a trusted person in your life — a friend, family member, or mentor — can provide the human connection and understanding that is fundamental during such challenging times.
By choosing to reach out for immediate help, you are not admitting defeat but demonstrating incredible strength in the face of adversity. It's an acknowledgment that your pain is valid, and there are people and resources available to support you on the path to healing. Remember, you don't have to face this struggle alone. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUFFER and seeking help is a courageous and essential step toward finding hope, relief, and a way forward.
Sick of the Status Quo:
Feeling sick of the status quo is akin to reaching a point of profound exhaustion where the weight of emotional distress becomes unbearable. Picture yourself on the floor, emotionally exposed and in tears, a state that has become a symbol of the overwhelming challenges you are facing. It's an emotional rock bottom, a place where the status quo has become intolerable, and the prospect of enduring another moment in this situation seems insurmountable.
This intense emotional fatigue is a powerful signal, like a desperate cry for change echoing through the depths of your being. It's not merely a desire for something different; it's a compelling necessity to break free from the cycle that keeps you on the floor, emotionally naked and in despair. The status quo, in this context, becomes a suffocating force, and seeking assistance becomes a lifeline to breathe new life into your existence.
Investing in change is not just an option; it's a recognition that your current circumstances are no longer sustainable. It's an acknowledgment that you deserve a life that is not defined by despair, tears, and emotional exhaustion. Seeking assistance at this critical juncture is a courageous step toward breaking free from the cycle that has held you captive.
Imagine this moment as the turning point, a crossroads where the decision to seek help becomes the catalyst for a transformative journey. Whether it's through therapy, coaching, or confiding in a supportive friend, seeking assistance becomes the first step in rebuilding your life.
It's a declaration that you are ready to shed the burdens of the past and step into a future where hope, resilience, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow guide your way.
So now what?
Understanding when it's time for change is not just an intellectual pursuit but a deeply visceral experience. It's the recognition that the soul is calling for something more, that the heart yearns for a life aligned with its truest desires. Whether sparked by feelings of unworthiness, jealousy, or the overwhelming weight of despair, these moments are not to be ignored; they are the compass guiding us toward a more fulfilling existence.
In the journey of self-discovery, reaching out for help becomes the pivotal act that can alter the course of our narrative. It's an acknowledgment that, even in our darkest moments, there is a glimmer of hope, a possibility for transformation. Seeking assistance is an act of courage, a commitment to our own well-being, and a recognition that our lives are worth investing in.
I am here to help!
Just as I reached out to build a team to help me make MAJOR changes and I never looked back. It was so profound for me that I wanted to help people find their own compass back home to themselves, the way I did. It is pretty dope to combine my coaching credentials and my teachign background to really help people build self connection and take BIG ACTION in their life.
Yout can book a 50-minute breakthrough session with me where we can identify what is holding you back and get a plan to step powerfully into your life.
So, as you stand at the crossroads of change, remember that you are not alone. The decision to embrace transformation is not a solitary venture but a collaborative symphony where therapists, coaches, friends, and family become the harmonious notes that guide you through the cadence of change. Embrace the discomfort as the prelude to growth, the uncertainty as the bridge to possibility, and the courage to seek help as the crescendo that propels you towards a life of authenticity, purpose, and fulfillment. The time for change is now, and the melody of your new beginning awaits.